A Classic PJ

This is not mine, though I wish it were.... (one of the best PJs I have heard in a long time)

The cows in the Animal Farm have been reading about bear runs and bull runs in the stock market for a while now. First its one, then the other. After a while, they got really frustrated...Why the hell can't we have a cow run!!
So, they started a new stock exchange, the Cow Jones Index, and proclaimed, "There shall only be cow runs in this one, bulls and bears take a hike."

But having grown so fond of the hedge surrounding the animal farm, they became quite interested in hedging their risks as well. Thus began the Cow Jones Futures Index (CJFI). Now, what did these chaps trade in the CJFI?




Ans: Dairyvatives, of course

Of course, yours truly made a dairivative PJ of this masterpiece, and came up with the following:

If investors got wary of investing in the Cow Jones Index directly and decided to give their money to someone else to manage, what would they be investing in?



Ans: Moo-tual Funds

PS: I am in the process of collating some of my PJs and putting them up for display on the blog... so people who remember some of my earlier ones, please send me a mail/dbab/comment, anything!

A Consultant's life Part II

In this post I am supposed to write some stuff on how things change and how things don't. But then, as someone before my lifetime put it,
The Best Laid Plans of Mice and Men Often Go Astray (or some such thing)

To cut a long story short, my best laid plans have changed, not permanently, but enough to warrant a deviation in the topic of this post.

We at A.T.Kearney had an intra-office cricket 'tournament' - basically a lot of young and old consultants getting together and having a lot of fun. I prepared a match report and thought it fit to post it on the blog. A word of warning though: All characters mentioned in the report are real, though the non-ATK reader can, for all intents and purposes, treat them as fictional :)

Official Match Report

A Lukewarm start, a sizzling mid-game and a red-hot end (literally!)

Ladies and Gentlemen, call it Saturday morning blues, call it cold feet, but indisputable was the fact that the start to this all important cricket fixture was lukewarm. Of the 18 members registered, drop-outs were so significant that the teams had to be pruned to two from three, with “Scorching Suns” being the casualty. The captains of the remaining teams, viz. Kearney Kangaroos and Dada’s Devils took to the field on a pleasant breezy morning to inspect the pitch and formulate team strategies accordingly. This was followed by the toss for Match 1

“Dada’s Devils”, under the leadership of our very own Kaustav-da (who, ironically, is a bigger fan of Sachin Tendulkar than Sourav Ganguly), got off to a good start by doing what has eluded even the charismatic captain of the Indian Team, Mahendra Singh Dhoni – winning the toss. Batting first was the natural choice and, as time proved, a good one.

The Devils’ innings – An idle bat is the Devil’s workshop

Kaustav-da and Nithin took the field, with Varun “Lee” Poddar opening the bowling for the Kearney Kangaroos. Disaster struck quickly as both Kaustav Da and Vivek Kalucha (who came in after K-da was out, caught) came and went without troubling the scorers within the first over. The score at the end of the first over read 3/2 and the Kangaroos, justifiably, were jumping all over the place. However, for Nithin “Yuvraj” Chandra, this was just the calm before the storm.

GG was the first victim of Nithin’s onslaught, with his second over being mercilessly dispatched for 30 runs including three towering sixes and two fours. The spring in the step of the Kangaroos was brought to a brutal, but effective halt. Jassi turned to Arunav to stem the haemorrhage. A run-out effected of Nishant in the third over provided a brief respite for the fielding team but Dada’s Devils still managed to eke out twelve runs from the over, including a couple of well struck fours.

Nithin and Abhiram continued the innings for the Devils with Arunav and the Jassi/Mahesh combo holding fort relatively economically. Arunav conceded just 25 runs from his two overs… (the figures would not have been as bad, had Nithin not decided to despatch Arunav away for a 4 and a 6 just as the innings was winding up to a close) and Jassi/Mahesh managed to keep Abhiram quiet, though they would not have liked the Umpire’s strictness with balls going down the leg side being heartlessly declared wides. (Damn those limited overs rules!)

Thanks to Nithin’s masterclass and significant contribution from extras (13 of them), Dada’s Devils set the Kearney Kangaroos a target of 85 in 6 overs, translating to a run-rate of just over 14 runs per over. The lukewarm start had morphed into a sizzling mid-game and a mouth-watering chase loomed on the horizon.

Kangaroos’ chase - look before you leap

Jassi planned to lead from the front as he took the field with Mahesh to open the innings for the Kearney Kangaroos. The chase began disastrously with Jassi being stumped efficiently by Nithin off Vivek’s opening over. Mahesh soon followed, getting run-out without troubling the scorers. GG restored some life to the chase, with a brilliantly struck six right over square leg, followed by another sparkling four.

The second over of the chase was a tight one, with Nishant steaming in and beating the batsmen with sheer pace, conceding just three runs and bowling GG out. The pressure was mounting! 71 runs to be scored off the 4 remaining overs. Dada turned to the star of the first innings and said “Ek over daalega?” , to which Nithin said, “haan, daaloonga”, and the rest, as they say, folks, is history.

An extremely tight over with Arunav’s wicket thrown in for good measure made the task for the Kangaroos even more difficult. What made the task more difficult for the chasers is the fact, that the graciousness shown by the Kangaroos while bowling to Nithin, was not reciprocated, with not even a single extra being conceded.

Varun Poddar struck some valiant blows for the Kangaroos and their team took 25 of the next two overs (Vivek and Nishant being the sufferers), without the loss of a wicket. Still, the required run-rate was not met, leaving the chasers a 36-run target off the final over, to be bowled by Nithin.

If Nithin had been miserly in his previous over, he was downright mean in this one. A nagging line and impeccable length meant that the ‘roos task was that much more difficult. Apart from a conciliatory 4 off the penultimate ball of the innings, the last over was a terrible let-down for the Kangaroos with neither Varun nor Kunal able to make any impact.

The result: Dada’s Devils defeat Kearney’s Kangaroos by 28 runs – a convincing victory, with the Man-of-the-Match award going to Nithin “Yuvraj” Chandra. Kaustav-da marshaled his troops very well, though his contribution with the bat resembled more the hero of his land, Sourav than the hero of his mind, Sachin

Match 2 & Match 3: Commentary truncated!

The remaining two matches were on similar lines, except that Ranga, the resident photographer, added strength to Dada’s Devils while Kunal and Hemant lent their expertise to the Kearney Kangaroos.

An added attraction was the commentary of Varun, Vivek, GG, Kunal and others whose observations on the activity on the field were as funny as they were insightful, though their sledging against the umpiring did not find much favour with either the opposition or the umpires. There was talk of the commentators being fined 50% of their post-match pizzas for the transgressions.

Just before this correspondent signs off, late on a Sunday night, his blow-by-blow commentary on the excellent proceedings looking to be cut short by a series of uncontrollable yawns and project commitments looming large in front of him, he feels it worthwhile to recount one unforgettable 13-ball over from the Kearney Kangaroos to Dada’s Devils in Match 3 as a sign-off gesture.

The bowler in question shall not be mentioned, but Mumbai Mauler Nithin Chandra was the tormentor. The bowler managed to deceive batsmen, wicket-keepers, umpires and commentators alike with his flight, with one well-directed (!) delivery failing to release properly from his hand and trickling down to short cover.

The few times the ball actually managed to float into Nithin’s vicinity, it went away rather quickly, getting dispatched to all corners of the ground. The outcome: a match-winning 37 runs conceded off 1 over, with 2 sixes, 4 fours (including byes) and god-only-knows how many wides!

This particular over sent the Kangaroos scurrying to all parts of the ground and was well liked by the rather limited audience of Parul and little Arjun Kalbag, whose presence did much to add to the fun and festivities (For those who did not turn up to watch the match today: You missed the treat of the year, people!)

Till the next event, cheers and lagey raho!

- Rangarajan Vijayaraghavan

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