The Innocence of Childhood

When we grow up, we lose an important part of ourselves - innocence. That pure, childlike quality is soon lost as we are forced to fend for ourselves in the real world. To children, the world always appears black and white. Things are very simple - good/bad, hot/cold, like/dislike, joy/sorrow all are simply interpreted and experienced. But this process becomes more and more complex as they grow up. There was a line in the movie "Courage under fire" where one of the actors says "Imagine what it would be like to be like kids - never bothering about the consequences of their actions".

As children, many of us are not required to bother about the consequences of our actions. There are always their parents to guide and direct them. And as far as satisfying wants goes, their main source of satisfaction is provided by the parents. Effectively, they structure their interactions in such a way that the parents form their window to the world. Hence all behaviour needs to be concerned with getting the right reactions from them. Later on, they realise the need for social interaction. They find that they need to behave in certain ways with certain people to get their things done.

Soon after they enter adolescence, things become more complex. They have to start thinking about reactions and counter reactions of a lot more people now. At some level, there must be some manipulation of these behaviours in order to achieve their purposes. The sad part is that everyone has to indulge in this sort of activity to continue leading a life (unless the life is one of Sanyasa) - be it the Chief Executive of a large organisation or a farmer struggling to see where his next meal will be coming from. Soon they realise a need to put up a 'front' to others in interpersonal relationships. This leads some to wonder, "What is the purpose in my behaving in the way that I am?""Am I really achieving something worthwhile by doing all this?""How do I define something as being 'worth it'?" and many more fundamental questions.

Most of us spend a lifetime looking (unsuccessfully) for the answers and continue leading a complex life in the midst of innumerable interactions with ourselves, other people and the environment in general. There are instances where we come across incidents/lessons that make us immensely uncomfortable both with ourselves and with others. We try to analyse them within the limited framework of our experience and try to make 'sense'. There nearly always comes a time when we decide to choose to stick to or not stick to a particular path/course of action. What makes us pick one over the other? I'm not really sure, though I believe that upbringing plays an important role in our choice.

As far as I am concerned, I was always taught to be honest and truthful in all my dealings with people. This feeling has entered my blood in such a deep manner that I feel the prick of conscience every time I put up a 'front' while dealing with someone. It makes me really uncomfortable and I feel that nothing can be worth hiding your real feelings. After coming to IIMA, however, I have realised that interpersonal relationships are not always about saying what you feel or think. Impulsiveness has to be controlled and a rational and more mature approach is called for. Actually the transition has been pretty tough and I am not sure that I am fully 'there' yet. But I am trying and will persist as well. Dealing with the "Is it worth the effort?" question is the toughest thing though. I am trying to find reasons that justify this transition - every one seemingly more plausible than the other. Well, I guess the journey will continue till I reach a stage where I am comfortable with the new me...

Rangarajan