An in-flight experience

PS: This article below is meant purely for fun and not intended to hurt the sensibilities of anyone. Apologies :)

Once, I had to go to Jamnagar and, expectedly, the only airline to serve that destination was an Indian Airlines Flight (looking at the number of people on that flight, I could not but think that there was a huge market opportunity - but then, that is another story).

I boarded the flight and was greeted by a stentorian "Welcome aboard, sir" - except that it had as much warmth as a graveyard. I was confronted by an imposing woman, some ten feet in height and a width to match. Every cell in my body froze. I had the irresistible urge to cower into a corner; my past seemed to come rushing back to me and I felt like a little schoolboy again.

I hurried to my seat and fastened my seatbelts, finding an odd comfort in doing so - she would have to take the trouble of unbuckling me first before she could throw me out of the window/door you see...

Time passed and they safely locked the doors (phew!) and the plane taxied to the runway. In the meantime, the airhostesses started serving 'preliminary' refreshments, namely fresh lime juice. However, the juice wasn't as fresh as I had wanted it to be. So I asked for a change.

To borrow a Wodehousian phrase, ice formed on the stewardess's upper slopes. She said, "Let me check, sir". The "welcome aboard" sounded quite cheery in comparison... this felt like I was in an Arctic graveyeard with a Polar Bear breathing down my neck. I was significantly alarmed at having fastened my seat belts. I could have at least dived under the seats for protection otherwise. There I was, helpless, immobile and unarmed, with Jezebel herself in front of me. Damn you, Ranga! Foresight! Foresight!

Anyway, there must have been a hint of mercy in her (somewhere deep down I think), and she finally condescended to give me a fresh cup of juice. The experience left me deeply reflective and weirdly relieved. I thought for a while and suddenly it struck me... the airhostesses on Indian Airline flights could not even help being cold; it was part and parcel of their existence. It was pre-ordained when they named their employer.

... All Indian Airlines Flights are called IC(y) flights...